Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

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I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

What kind of lights would you like to use for your home decor?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I know who the president of Turkey really is

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

My girlfriend told me that she wants to move in with me. I have my own apartment and I like my peace and quiet, but I also love her. We've been together for a year now. What should I do?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I have a reading level above third grade

What was the worst spanking you got growing up?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

Do you think cheating is that bad?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I actually pay taxes

How do you leave a relationship when you are still in love?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

What is the most interesting question you can ask to get to know someone?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I can read

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

Trump says Xi agreed to restart flow of crucial minerals, but analysts say China won’t give up its ‘rare earth card’ - CNN

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I have complete contempt for traitorism

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I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I feel so attached and in love with a dead celebrity. My love for anyone else is overshadowed by my love for him. What does this mean?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

If you caught a shoplifter at your yard sale, how would you handle it?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I see through liars

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I can count

I don’t cotton to rapists

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center